Grandma's Here
by whatifellinlovewith
Summary: "The room is quiet. The baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib. And the dead don't make noise." Johanna Beckett remembers important moments in her granddaughter's life as she watches her sleep. Follow-up for 'Mom's Never Gone'


**I owe this idea to alygator86 who suggested it in her review for 'Mom's Never Gone'. Johanna watches her granddaughter sleep all while remembering important moments in the girl's short life.**

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The room is quiet.

The baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib.

And the dead don't make noise.

Well, we can, but nothing audible to those that surround us. The living don't know, don't hear us, don't see us. And as my precious granddaughter lays sleeping in her crib, in a world of peaceful dreams where she's doing who knows what. Her little eyelids are fluttering. Her little lips pursed in a miniscule 'O' that probably wouldn't even be able to fit around my pinky finger. Her toes are curled inside the feet of her onesie. Her hands are clenched into small, loose fists at her sides.

My granddaughter has to be one of the cutest babies on the face of the earth. When their open, her eyes are an oceanic blue, little her fathers. And the fuzz atop her head is the same amber shade as my beautiful Katie's. She has a little, perfect button nose. And her little smile, when it appears across her face as she's made happy by her parents, is one of the most beautiful things I have ever see.

And as I look down at her sleeping form in the crib, I can't believe she's already two months old.

Hannah is her name, the little girl who is like a carbon copy of my Katie at her age, except the eyes. And I've been here for her for every single moment of her short life.

I was there the day Katie found out she was pregnant. I still remember the look on her face as the timer on her phone went off, interrupting her nervous pacing. I remember her pulling her lip between her teeth, a nervous habit she's had since she was like two. I remember her reaching for the stick, her hand shaking as her thumb and index held the white stick. And I'll never forget the smile that had lit up her face as she stared down at the little plus sign on the stick.

Katie hadn't even needed confirmation from a daughter, though she sought it out anyway. It was fairly obvious the test was correct. By the time she finally took it, she was already eight weeks along, and the symptoms were pretty hard to ignore. The morning sickness had been hard to hide, I knew. She was just lucky she had in fact gotten morning sickness and not all day sickness, like she had given me. That and the fact that going to the morgue made her nauseous for weeks, a few times she had only narrowly escaped throwing up on their victim. And I knew she realized her breasts were swollen and sore, and her period had been missed. I'm still pretty sure she knew before she even took the test, and that the positive was just to make sure. Just like the doctor's blood test that came back with the same result.

I still remember that day on the beach where she told him. I remember the wedding, so pretty, so perfect for my little girl. I remember her dress, her smile, her tears of pure happiness and love. I remember watching them walk off towards his Hamptons home and then stopping, their silhouettes the only things visible to me. And he swept her up into a hug. It's a day I'll never forget, her wedding day. It was the perfect day for the perfect girl, the perfect woman and the perfect couple, the perfect family. The only thing that could've made that day any better would have been being there in person.

No point in dwelling on it now, though. I've been gone for sixteen years now. I'm used to watching in spirit now. In a way, sometimes, I think it's better. It makes it much easier to eavesdrop on conversations. It makes it easier to stand her and watch my granddaughter sleep, or stand there and watch my daughter find out she's pregnant. And then there's every other moment that I've been there, watching over them like a happy mother, happy grandma.

Like the first time they saw their little girl via ultrasound, the baby still so small as Katie reached twelve weeks into her pregnancy. The image on the screen was barely recognizable, a head and a body and that was about all you could see. And the steady heartbeat that had sounded through the room. My little girl had cried, so happy. Even looking on from the other side, I felt the atmosphere in the room turn into one of complete, unconditional love. And Rick had pressed a kiss to her hand, and then another. I'm pretty sure I had seen tears glistening in his eyes as well as he moved to kiss Katie's head, then lips. The smile on their faces had been contagious, beautiful, perfect. Just as the condition of the baby on the screen had been, the steady beat of her heart still ringing strongly through the room as the doctor assured Katie and Rick that everything was perfectly fine.

Then there's first time she felt the baby kick hard enough for him to feel it. They had been at the precinct, I remember, working on a what Katie and Rick consider a traditional, easy case. Boyfriend kills cheating girlfriend in a jealous rage. She had been sitting at her desk, like she had been for months at that point, typing away at her computer. I remember her practically jerking forward, hand flying to her baby bump. I remember Rick looking up immediately, panic evident in his eyes at the time. But Katie had been smiling, wide and happy as she reached for his hand and pressed it to her belly. Smiles had lit up both their faces as the baby kicked again, the whole precinct turning to watch the happy moment.

There's so many other moments as well, like when Katie put the stuffed elephant in Hannah's crib, the elephant that still sits in the corner of it, out of the baby's reach. That and the rest of preparing the nursery for the new arrival had Katie so happy at the time. I think it made it so much more real that they were having a child of their own, a child that would be born and come home with them to that very room. And then there's the times where she'd sit in their room and talk to the baby. Rick would do the same. I remember being extremely surprised when I first heard him mention me, before Katie ever did. The tears in her eyes had told me that it would've been hard for her to talk to the baby about me. She had seemed happy to hear Rick doing it, though, as if he was saying everything she wanted to say but couldn't. The smiles that had come across her face when he kissed her belly would also be something I'd never, ever forget.

The most amazing moment to witness, though, had been was by far the birth of my little granddaughter. It had broken my heart at first, hearing Katie tell Rick she couldn't do it without me. It made me regret taking that dangerous case that had gotten me killed all over again, worse than ever before. She had sobbed, breathing labored from the pain I knew she was experiencing, the kind of pain I went through to have her. Her cries only made it worse, coughing through her pants, doctors telling her she had to calm down or it could affect the baby, Rick trying to comfort her only half successfully. That was until he pressed his lips to her head and told her so quietly I wouldn't of heard it had I not been there only in spirit, and told her that I was there. Not knowing how truthful his words had been, he told her I was right there, looking down on her, believing in her. That she could do it, and that even though I wasn't there to hold her hand, I was there, always.

Her tears had slowed to nothing as she told the doctor she was ready to have her baby, emotionally ready, not just physically. And with Rick's hand in hers, she brought her little girl into the world. Tears had fallen from her eyes once again as they rested the screaming little girl on her chest and told her she was the mother of a little girl. And watched as Rick cut the cord, smiling at a still crying Katie as a nurse took the newborn from her chest to get her cleaned off. And I had stood there and watched as they brought the little girl back to her, wrapped in a blanket, most of the blood wiped off her. Katie had kept crying, cradling the newborn baby girl in her arms as Rick rested his hand on her shoulder, pressed his lips to her head proudly. And then they had named her Hannah, after me, and I had cried as I watched. That was my daughter, her husband and their daughter, my granddaughter.

Even now as I look down at the beautiful baby girl, beautiful little Hannah, I think that's the best thing I've witnessed from this side, in spirit. I still think she might've felt my presence in her hospital room that day, as well. I hope she did, anyway. I hope she knows that Rick was right, that I'm always right here watching her, keeping her safe, keeping Hannah safe. It's all that really matters to me now that I've passed one—well, and my husband, of course—keeping them safe and looking down on the lives that they are building, the family that's growing. And now, as I look down at the precious little girl, I realize it might be better this way, with someone looking down on her to make sure that nothing ever happens to her, to keep her safe, no matter what. She needs me just as much as Katie does when she's chasing down killers—I have to admit I'm glad she's not doing that for now. She needs the safety blanket of having her grandma watching her, and I'm glad I can give it to her. Besides, I might not be able to hold her in my arms, but I still get to watch her grow up. I already am.

I smile as I remember the day Katie and Rick brought her home, her carseat being held in Rick's hand as he led Katie into the loft with a hand resting on her lower back. Her arms had been crossed over her chest, her body looking to be drowning in his sweater she was wearing at the time, her hands tucked in between her sides and her arms. Her smile was sleepy, and she looked almost relieved to find their home empty rather than to find a welcome home party for little Hannah. I couldn't blame her, still can't. I remember how exhausting having a baby is, not to mention the fact that's its practically impossible to relax, catch up on sleep after because you have a crying baby that wakes you up every hour. Its so worth it, though, even in those first few days, the first few seconds. She had taken a deep breath, breathing in the scent of home, a home that was already so different, and let him lead her to the living room couch. He had sat the carseat on the coffee table, Hannah sleeping in it. He had unbuckled her and reached to bring her into his arms. Katie had smiled and rested her head against his shoulder until she fell asleep. It had been such a peaceful scene, such a loving one, Rick watching his wife and daughter sleep, silent and unmoving in order to keep them in dreamland as long as possible.

And then there's the time where she was sitting in the nursery's rocking chair, rocking so slowly back and forth as she cradled Hannah to her chest, feeding her. She had eyes only for her baby in that moment, her one hand cradling the little girl while the other ran over her cheek. Hannah had been no older than a few weeks at the time, still weighing no more than ten pounds, still learning what life in the outside world was like. But she was already pretty adapt to breastfeeding. Katie had it easy, or at least easier than I did. My daughter had been a pain to feed at Hannah's age in this particular memory. Anyway, she sat in the chair, slowly rocking back and forth while breastfeeding Hannah, when Rick walked up to the doorway. He didn't catch her attention, though. Her eyes stayed locked on the baby cradled in her arms, on the ocean blue eyes looking up at her like she hung the moon. A smiled had come across his face immediately as he took in the sight, the love in his eyes shining bright. Even now, I'm not sure Katie knows he was watching, but its a moment whose memory I treasure.

And now there's my personal favorite, Hannah's first smile. She had been five weeks old, only a few days off six. Katie had placed her in her bouncy seat, a pacifier in her mouth. And the bouncer had sat on the coffee table, with Katie sitting across from it on the couch. Her two indexes were in the tight grasp on Hannah's still tiny hands. She was leaning forward so her head face was close to the baby's. And Hannah's eyes were shining in recognition. The smile spread across Katie's face was wide. She had leaned forward a little more and brought Hannah's fists to her mouth, pressing a dozen quick kisses to her knuckles. And then Hannah's face lit up with a smile. Katie practically squealed, making Rick run into the room asking her what was going on. She had motioned for him to come closer and then repeated her previous actions. Once again, Hannah's face lit up in a smile that reached her bright blue eyes. Rick had smiled happily as well, taking a seat next to Kate, draping his arm low on her waist and telling her a if she didn't already know that they had the most beautiful little girl on the face of the earth.

Right now, though, as I look down into her crib, Hannah's not smiling. Her eyelids are still fluttering as dreams play behind them, though. Her toes are still pointed, like a little ballerina. Her fists are still clenched loosely at her sides. The amber fuzz atop her head is sticking up a little. Her head is tilted in the opposite direction. Her lips are still pursed in a little 'O'. She still looks perfect, happy and peaceful. She's definitely one of the most perfect babies I've ever seen. Katie and Rick did good with this little one.

She stirs a bit, bending then flexing her right leg and I realize she might be coming close to waking. It's been about an hour since Rick put her down for her nap. She kicks again and then closes her eyes a little tighter. She still looks precious, but I know from experience that if she doesn't calm down she'll erupt in screams. Katie did this before she woke up back when she was a baby. I lean over and run my thumb along the baby's cheek.

"Shhh, Hannah. Stay asleep for a little while longer" I whisper to her, leaning over the edge of the crib. She flinches slightly in her sleep. "Shhh, it's okay. Grandma's here" I tell her, leaning in even closer to whisper against her ear. She whimpers softly, but quickly calms, tilting her head in the other direction again. I smile as I stand upright again. "Grandma's always here, Hannah" I whisper to her.

The whole loft is quiet.

The baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib.

Katie and Rick are sleeping in each other's arms in their bedroom.

They're catching up on the sleep this princess has robbed of them.

And the dead don't make noise.

And here I am, standing guard.

Here for them, for Katie, for Rick, for Hannah.

I'll always be here.


End file.
